I can't stop dwelling on what I'm missing. I can't sleep at night. I can't eat. I can't focus at alllllllllll. And it's killing me. At least my losing weight though. The only thing that can get my mind off of it is soccer. The only thing is I can't play soccer all day. I think the thing that is bugging me the most is how I fucked up. I'm starting to realize more and more how I could have prevented this. I'm seriously done thinking about it. I don't want to anymore. I want to move on. Cuz the only thing that would make this better is if someone handed me some sort of time travel device. I'd fix this whole mess. I would. Then I'd get rich some how then travel to Manchester, England circa 1982. Ah, a guy can wish can't he?
I've always known I'm a horrible boyfriend. Which makes no sense in my case cuz I'm just so damn lovelorn. It's not even funny. I have no willingness to attempt another relationship. I know I'd just be setting myself up for failure. Like always. In everything. Everything. There are only three things I'm good at in life: 1.) Teaching - Not only am I good at teaching, I love doing it. I love people listening to me cuz I have a lot to say. 2.) Soccer - And this is when I'm in shape and I'm not at the moment so I'm kinda mad at myself. I have these limits now. I'm slowly working myself up to where I used to be. I'll do it. And finally 3.) Morrissey - I know Morrissey more than my parents which may seem trite and impossible since I've never even met him but believe me, I know him.
Other than those things I mentioned, I'm not good at anything. Not even being a good friend. Except I know what love is. I just need to find someone that understands love on the same level as I do. So far, I haven't come close. But where ever you are, whatever you are, DON'T LOSE FAITH, I'll find you. Believe me, I will.
Oh yeah, I don't owe you ANYTHING.
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