As it turns out part II.

It seems that I want the one I can't have. The only twist is that it's not who anyone thinks it is. Shocker? Yeah. Maybe I'll shed some light on this subject later. Just maybe.

As it turns out.

I can't stop dwelling on what I'm missing. I can't sleep at night. I can't eat. I can't focus at alllllllllll. And it's killing me. At least my losing weight though. The only thing that can get my mind off of it is soccer. The only thing is I can't play soccer all day. I think the thing that is bugging me the most is how I fucked up. I'm starting to realize more and more how I could have prevented this. I'm seriously done thinking about it. I don't want to anymore. I want to move on. Cuz the only thing that would make this better is if someone handed me some sort of time travel device. I'd fix this whole mess. I would. Then I'd get rich some how then travel to Manchester, England circa 1982. Ah, a guy can wish can't he?

I've always known I'm a horrible boyfriend. Which makes no sense in my case cuz I'm just so damn lovelorn. It's not even funny. I have no willingness to attempt another relationship. I know I'd just be setting myself up for failure. Like always. In everything. Everything. There are only three things I'm good at in life: 1.) Teaching - Not only am I good at teaching, I love doing it. I love people listening to me cuz I have a lot to say. 2.) Soccer - And this is when I'm in shape and I'm not at the moment so I'm kinda mad at myself. I have these limits now. I'm slowly working myself up to where I used to be. I'll do it. And finally 3.) Morrissey - I know Morrissey more than my parents which may seem trite and impossible since I've never even met him but believe me, I know him.

Other than those things I mentioned, I'm not good at anything. Not even being a good friend. Except I know what love is. I just need to find someone that understands love on the same level as I do. So far, I haven't come close. But where ever you are, whatever you are, DON'T LOSE FAITH, I'll find you. Believe me, I will.

Oh yeah, I don't owe you ANYTHING.

My Life's Theme.

Life is wine.

An easy meal like me.

Isn't this hell? Well I ain't the man you used to hold
and share deep deep breaths with
Well I cut his neck and left him to die
so his last breath would be not a beg, but a whimper.

Et tu, Brute?

So. This weekend made me realize many, many things. Foremost, my friendship means shit to people. I'm not worth the toilet paper you use to wipe your ass. And it kills me. I've honestly tried my best to have so much respect for my friends and even people I don't know. It's my parents I usually don't respect much. Maybe I should change that. Since people don't give a shit about me anyway.

There are some moments in your life that are so horrible you think will only happen once in your life. I was so wrong. And the worst part about it is that when it happens again, it doesn't hurt any less. Especially when you trust a person so, so much. I do believe the more you give your trust, the more you're bound to lose. Unfortunately.

The next thing I've come to realize is that I am not meant to be here. Not on Earth. Not anywhere. Not anywhere that actually exists anyway... No, I don't belong here and it makes me sad 'cuz there's no where else to go. And imagine. Life is hard enough when you belong here. And I'm not crazy. I'm just too ready to leave this place. I want to be as far as possible from people who always want to get ahead in life. Always wanting to claw their way to the top. Even if it means betraying your good friend.

I want to find my place.

Weird.

Well, as the title hints, this week has been one of the weirdest weeks of my life. And this is saying a lot. 'Cuz usually my weeks are fairly strange but this one is just too bizarre to handle. Hahah. I think I like it though.

I've been listening to more Morrissey than I usually do lately. Which is a good thing, I'm not gonna lie. For a while I neglected Morrissey in my life. Now I feel kinda dumb for doing that. I mean Interpol, Voxtrot and Daphne Loves Derby are tight and all but they well never compare to Morrissey. Ever. I doubt I'll ever find another singer/lyricist that will move me the way he does. I'll never feel how I feel about what he writes in just about every song. In a way I feel great to know Morrissey is my one and only music-wise but depressing as well. I wish I could relate to someone else as much as I do him. But that's the thing about him. His eccentricity makes him so incomparable. Even now, as sick as I am, I would never be you.


Oh yeah. I AM THE LIVING SIGN.

Hello.

It's been a while since I've had a blog. It's okay though. It's not like I have much to say anyway.

I've recently realized the possibility of having a podcast. I've been listening to @Just_Alison's podcast entitled, Live, from a Shoebox. Comedic gold, I tell you. It has inspired me to start planning for a possible podcast, starring me of course, in the near future. On this program I will discuss various topics ranging from why dogs suck to who sucks in Moreno Valley and why. As you can see, we will be having a lot of sucking on the show. There will be something for everyone, I can assure you. The only thing holding me back right now is that I need a sidekick, preferably a female. Now, I do have this one girl in mind but I doubt she's too happy with me at the moment so we'll just wait and see.

Well, that's enough for the first post. More on the podcast soon. I promise. So long.